Monday, August 6, 2012

“Call Me Ishmael” by Todd Seavey (after “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen)

Last night, I (really) saw Zombies and tomorrow night I plan to see the band Jezzy and the Belles (after the SASS talk on “Ancient Badasses” such as Genghis Khan).  Since pop music and a dash of history work well together, maybe the culture would benefit from this – maybe:

“Call Me Ishmael”
By Carl Rae Melville (and Todd Seavey)

I threw a spear at a whale
Heed, I must tell my tale
Of how Captain Ahab left this pale
And I floated for a night and a day

He'd trade his soul for some fish
Pennies and dimes, lots of risk
I wasn't looking for this
Set out from Nantucket Bay
Ocean water was cold an'
That hated whale was showin'
Hole of Moby Dick was blowin'
Ahab said that whale is goin' away

Hey, the Captain's crazy, and we will fail
This story's a bummer, so call me Ishmael
Not that the crew is lazy, or afraid of whales
But this story's a bummer, so call me Ishmael

I guess that thing's a mammal, and he's awful pale
I think our number's up, so call me Ishmael
And all the other boats, are on its trail
But our number's up, so call me Ishmael

Queequeg has a tattooed bod
Coolest guy on the Pequod
But the Captain's obsession is odd, and we're all gonna pay
Glimpse a shape beyond the keel
Have first sight and it's real
Don't quite get the Captain's zeal, but that whale is headed our way

Queequeg got sick 
Likelihood of death was growing
Cold night, wind was blowing
Where you think you're going, buddy?

Hey, the Captain's crazy, wish I could bail
I think our number's up, so call me Ishmael
Queequeg's dead, we were oddly close for males
I think our number's up, so call me Ishmael

Hey, the Captain's crazy, that's a major fail
I'm the sole survivor, so call me Ishmael
Other boats out there if I had to chase whales
But Ahab captained this one, so call me Ishmael

Ahab threw a harpoon and his aim's not so bad
Missed the eyeball but not so bad...missed the blowhole but not so bad
Injured whale's gonna take Ahab's life, but his aim wasn't so bad
And you should know that...his aim wasn't so bad

Hard to look at the damage done by that whale
He smashed up the Pequod, so call me Ishmael

Sinking boat made a whirlpool, like a full-force gale
Sucked the crew to their deaths, so call me Ishmael
Months of bad food and watching whale tail,
Just to get smashed by sealife, now call me Ishmael

And that whale is an innocent mammal, so he isn't so bad
He won't miss Ahab...but the whale isn't really so bad
Before he came into my life he wasn't really so bad
And if I got to know him
I'd call him Moby

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