Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Dear Mrs. Robert Stacy McCain,

Do you find it odd how viciously your husband's blog went after me in not one but two entries on his blog after my (apt) criticisms of my C-SPAN2 co-panelist ex-girlfriend in October? 

(And, look, my addressing these questions to you is a literary device, Mrs. Robert Stacy McCain, so please don't get bent out of shape if in fact you're already divorced from him, institutionalized, suffering from cancer, or deceased due to committing suicide from years of having to deal with him.)

I mean, fine, your husband thinks of my co-panelist, not me, as his friend -- so he gets points for loyalty, maybe, which is about all his friend cares about, not ethics in the conventional sense, when she cares about either.  But doesn't it strike you as a bit odd that your husband -- ostensibly a homeschooling Christian type -- is so gung-ho about defending a young woman whose only relevant attribute for purposes of the current discussion is calculated trampling on monogamy and kindness?  Might it be the case that you should be more nervous about photos I've seen of my ex hanging out with at least one of your children than about me being at odds with your husband in cyberspace? 

Come to think of it, isn't it a little weird that your husband has a reputation for showing up at every conservative event in DC and flirting with young females?  What time does he normally get home to plan the next day's Bible-friendly homeschooling lessons for your half-dozen kids anyway? 


But hey, if he thinks discretion is the paramount virtue, I can understand him thinking I'm an unchivalrous jerk for criticizing my ex.  Oh, but wait -- one of your husband's biggest claims to fame, if I can call it that, is writing a whole book about inappropriate sexual behavior by Democrats.  So he's not exactly a model of circumspection himself, is he?  Might he be projecting a bit with all of his anger at truth-telling Todd?  (And speaking of writing projects, wasn't he part of that cabal of somewhat inept Washington Times editors who let a reporter take the fall for an errant line inserted by the editors themselves?)

Of course, your husband has said he's "a poor excuse for a Christian," which at first glance sounds humble but which I'm beginning to think is a sort of code for a pattern (more disturbingly common than I'd been aware of before recent events) of Christians priding themselves on bad
behavior and simply using their sense of Christian identity as a compensation rather than a real goad to better behavior.  (Stop me from sinning -- preferably on my death bed, and all that, like my ex's favorite Catholic, Oscar Wilde, or some annoyingly morally-slack character from a Leonard Cohen song.)

But if Christianity is your husband's motivation, isn't it odd that in praising his friend, my co-panelist, he also calls her a sexually passionate "Untamed She-Beast of the Right," not most likely the kind of praise she seeks and not exactly a metric of value contained in the Sermon on the Mount last time I checked (but perhaps an indication I really wasn't the out-of-control one on that panel)? 

And whence all of his angry certainty that I'm a "desperate" character with "no game" when it comes to women (also not a metric of value in the Christian worldview last time I checked -- though certainly an important metric for the so-called Pick-Up Artist or PUA community, who I'll address in Saturday's entry)? 

As a well-behaved, gentlemanly, secular utilitarian, I am reluctant to stoop to your husband's sex-obsessed standards of merit -- and as most people who know me know, am happily and unhurriedly going about finding smart, interesting women one of whom may yet be my permanent co-host and creative partner, as it were -- but since it's so important to your husband (presumably for Christian reasons unknown to me), I will just say that one colleague has referred to me as getting "more tail than a toilet seat."  I do not say it with pride.  Nay, it somewhat saddens me even to have to "go there"  -- and I do applaud you for having already achieved what I hope is true matrimonial bliss -- but your husband's errors warrant factual rebuttals, though not graphic details. 


And of all my exes, believe me, only one warrants public condemnation (and a warning to innocent others, about whom a true Christian might show some concern).  I'm on civil terms with virtually all the others, and in routine contact with about half -- so womankind in general has no reason to fear I am a festering cauldron of resentments and desperation, as your husband suggests (as I've said before, 3.5 billion women aren't dating me, so I have no quarrel with anyone simply for choosing that option; breakups are not a crime). 

If my old joke personals ad (written before I ever heard of the ex in question here) sounded critical, it is merely a sign that I have (and can afford to have) standards -- and they aren't unrealistically high, I'd say, just a call for sanity and kindness, like so much of what I do in this life.  I will, if it helps clarify things, post a new joke personal ad within the next few weeks.  You might enjoy reading it, Mrs. Robert Stacy McCain, not that you would ever want to actually think about the desirable or undesirable qualities of another male when you already have Robert, of course.

If you and I ever ended up together, though, Mrs. Robert Stacy McCain, there would be a certain balance in the universe, since I noticed at least one site among the many that misreported events surrounding the C-SPAN2 fracas misidentified me as -- yes -- Robert Stacy McCain, and said that that was him criticizing his ex up on that panel.  Perhaps some sort of swap is in order!  Ha-ha!  Your husband may well be more attracted to evil than I am, which would help cement the new order of things.

But more realistically, best we all simply go our separate ways now, I think.  Take care, Mrs. Robert Stacy McCain.

Yours sincerely,

Todd Seavey

1 comment:

Meredith said...

This is an odd post.