Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Maverick's in the Danger Zone

top-gun.jpg mccain-and-palin.JPG

As if glimpsing Robert Novak, the “Prince of Darkness” himself, in a wheelchair but still active weren’t enough to make my visit to the Phillips Foundation Fellows reunion in Washington, DC this past Saturday exciting, I learned that one of my fellow Fellows, hip Mark Hemingway (known for articles in venues like National Review and for being in the rock band Cartel), was the one who first suggested that the GOP use the Heart song “Barracuda” in honor of Sarah “Barracuda” Palin, leading to perhaps the moment of greatest joy for me in the whole sad, endless campaign season, which was hearing that driving guitar sound as the GOP convention ended. Heart promptly threatened to sue to get the Republicans to stop using the song.

Since Heart and the Foo Fighters (“There Goes My Hero”) have both now told the McCain-Palin campaign to stop using their songs, might I suggest the B-52s’ “Mesopotamia” as a replacement, which could be artfully used in celebration of our curiously underreported defeat of Al Qaeda in Iraq this month? “They laid down the law — in Mes-o-po-tamia!” Within days, the B-52s would also, of course, announce their support for Obama, but for at least a few hours, it’d be good for a few laughs. (I’ve heard Britney Spears, star of yesterday’s blog entry, is conservative, but she’s also insane, which might not help.)

McCain might also consider “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins, accompanied by montages combining shots of McCain in the Air Foce and Top Gun scenes — coinciding with instructions to Palin to simply start calling him Maverick as if it’s literally McCain’s name (e.g., “I’m right on your tail, Maverick! I’ve got you covered, Maverick!” etc.).

They’ll still lose, of course, but we may as well have fun in these last few days. (Also good: “Pit Bull-Moose Party” t-shirts. Better yet: paying me millions to run these campaigns. I haven’t lost one I’ve managed yet.)

Again, though, I’m voting for Bob Barr. Too late in the day for half-measures, America. I say start by selling all public land, a great idea left over from the Andre Marrou campaign on the Libertarian Party ticket back in 1992. If some “mainstream” political figure really has a better idea for paying off the federal debt, I’m all ears, big, pinkish ears.

And you can share your own thoughts about the election at Lolita Bar (266 Broome St.) the night after the election, at 8pm, when I host and Michel Evanchik moderates a panel about what it all means.

P.S. The B-52s, of course, don’t have much in the way of conservative-sounding songs (and “Planet Z” is laughably green). My nomination for their gayest-sounding line, by the way (not that there’s anything wrong with that), is from “Party Out of Bounds”: Fred, exasperated, asking (of wild parties): “Who’s to blame when they get poorly planned?” On a vaguely related note, I’m planning to watch the election night returns with the CuddleParty founders and some Burning Man types, which should be a learning experience all around.


Jacob T. Levy said...

“Pit Bull-Moose Party” is terrific– and you’re the top google result for it!

Might want to hold off on putting 1/3 of the land in the United States on sale until after the economy recovers a teensy bit from its real-estate-price-crash-induced fragility. Would currently get a depressed price for the land– and would induce a massive exogenous downward shock in real estate prices (which are partly land prices) in a lot of the country, which probably isn’t optimal.

The Top Gun thing has already *happened,* hasn’t it? I don’t think the word “Maverick” got used as often in the movie as it did in the first or second or vice-presidential debate. I’m not sure it got used as much as it gets used in a 20-minute stump speech. And it always induces the same two reactions in me:

1) A maverick isn’t obviously a good thing; a maverick can crash a whole lot of fighter planes, get his buddies killed by f***ing up and failing to act in a disciplined fashion, etc.

2) Whether it’s a good thing or not, it’s the kind of thing that no one can call *themselves* without sounding like a complete tool.

Todd Seavey said...

Agreed. If I ever run for office on an explicitly anarchism-themed platform, though, I may use the slogan “chaotic rogue” and see how that goes over. Not well, I’m guessing. (I’ll fight for you — and then against you — and now for you — watch out!)

Jacob T. Levy said...

But you’ll lock up the D&D vote.

Christopher said...

McCain has been using “Danger Zone” at his rallies for quite a while now (which despite its whole maverick thing seems like an odd theme for someone whom even some of his GOP peers think is dangerously unstable).

I think the Britney being conservative thing is based purely on an interview some years back where she said, while smacking her gum, that people should like totally support the president.

This reminds me of a wonderful headline I saw either in the Daily News or the Post last week while on NJ transit to Princeton. In reference to Miss Teen Louisiana getting busted for shoplifting (I think) and possession of marijuana, it said: Miss Teen Louisiana Totally Smokes Weed!”