Friday, June 29, 2012

Lingering questions about Obamacare, “Prometheus,” and “Ted”


Americans will be left with a few questions after some of the confusing developments in June, among them:

1. How much money will I be penalized if do not buy health insurance?

2. If the medical pod on the Prometheus was for Vickers’ use, why was it set only for males?

3. Was the process that made Ted into a self-aware bear part of a larger scheme?

4. Why would Mark Wahlberg create Ted only to attempt to destroy him later? 

5. Wouldn’t it make more sense for the Engineers to eliminate the regulations that encourage insurance companies and employers to offer one-size-fits-all group plans so that individuals shop around for competing doctors?

6. If the “Prometheus” alien at the beginning of the movie intervened in evolution so that it replicated his own DNA, did he also cause the creation of Ted?

7. Is Ted a weapon, and does that explain his fistfight with Wahlberg?

8. If Obamacare makes the U.S. a social democracy and the U.S. does many things badly, can we now agree social democracies function badly without having to talk about Europe?

9. Could David have skipped impregnating Shaw by making a “little boy’s wish” for the Squid-Fetus Thing to come to life?

10. Can the death panels destroy the Engineers before they destroy us?

11. Is Wahlberg a Messiah figure?  Is Obama?

12. When do we get to the part where Eric Holder drives really fast to get away from Congress?

13. Will insurance programs still pay for aborting Squid-Fetus Things?

(And speaking of lingering questions: a note on the book Searchers within twenty-four hours, as my blog’s purported “Month of Religion” nears its end.)

2 comments:

Nathan T. Freeman said...

1. How much money will I be penalized if do not buy health insurance?

According to what I've seen $695/year in 2016.

2. If the medical pod on the Prometheus was for Vickers’ use, why was it set only for males?

Great question. I had assumed that it was a different pod when I watched it.

3. Was the process that made Ted into a self-aware bear part of a larger scheme?

Spoiler alert?

4. Why would Mark Wahlberg create Ted only to attempt to destroy him later?

Spoiler alert you asshole!!!!!

5. Wouldn’t it make more sense for the Engineers to eliminate the regulations that encourage insurance companies and employers to offer one-size-fits-all group plans so that individuals shop around for competing doctors?

AHahahahahahha. Yes, it would. But since we know the Engineers are failures, it doesn't matter.

Actually, more accurately, the Engineers are too arrogant to even consider that people could have value and therefore their opinions don't matter. Wow, I guess the political message was even more on the nose than I'd thought.

6. If the “Prometheus” alien at the beginning of the movie intervened in evolution so that it replicated his own DNA, did he also cause the creation of Ted?

BRZZZZZZZZZZZZRRRRRRRRRRRT!!!

Sorry, short circuit there.

7. Is Ted a weapon, and does that explain his fistfight with Wahlberg?

Fuck you and your spoilers.

8. If Obamacare makes the U.S. a social democracy and the U.S. does many things badly, can we now agree social democracies function badly without having to talk about Europe?

YES. But only to people that admit that the US is a social democracy. And that's, like, 47 people if you include all Canadians. So its going to be a boring conversation anyway. LUKE, WE'RE GONNA HAVE COMPANY!!!

9. Could David have skipped impregnating Shaw by making a “little boy’s wish” for the Squid-Fetus Thing to come to life?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

10. Can the death panels destroy the Engineers before they destroy us?

As portrayed? It's not the death penalty; it's the NAP. Shaw chases them in self-defense.

11. Is Wahlberg a Messiah figure? Is Obama?

I'd at least think about following him into the light. The other? Hell no.

12. When do we get to the part where Eric Holder drives really fast to get away from Congress?

Next week, I'm assuming.

13. Will insurance programs still pay for aborting Squid-Fetus Things?

Yes, but only when rapid maturation occurs as a complication of alien DNA.

creakypavillion said...

#10: there is a window of roughly 1.5 yrs. paging [non-existing] God.