I have no idea why a black police helicopter hovered over my neighborhood for three hours early this morning, but let’s use it as an opportunity for a paranoid round-up of the world’s weirdness.
1. You can’t count on cops to show up promptly every time a guy enters your house, plays with a toy helicopter, masturbates, and eats salad.
2. Yet the police in even the most quiet, rural, crime-free areas increasingly get to have tanks, troop transports, and machine guns.
3. By contrast, you aren’t even allowed by law to give strangers a ride in your car.
4. Next thing you know, it drives people so nuts that conspiracy theorist Alex Jones interviews fellow conspiracy theorist Public Enemy’s Prof. Griff (maybe we would be better off if Rand Paul handled the libertarian outreach to black people).
5. Whereas, far from fearing we live in a matrix of lies, this mom doesn't even quite get the movie Matrix.
And I go on living in a city so left-wing that my friend Rew Asterik got dropped from a music teacher gig for singing the Pete Seeger song “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?” because it contains the line “Where have all the husbands gone?” which might upset fatherless children. Where has all the sanity gone?